What I'm doing this Summer and How You Can Help - Zikomo! (Please and Thank You!)

  Dear Friends and Family,

An exciting opportunity has come up for me to return to Malawi, Africa with a missions team from June 14 to July 3, 2016  

I was first there in 2009, where I met Alinafe (left) and later sponsored her.  In addition to seeing her again, now as a young woman, this year I’m very excited to meet and personally interview every single child in our programs as we update their sponsorship information.  This is right around 800 kids that I have been praying for and giving general support to every month – but it’s about to become very personal . 

 Maybe they will share with me their hopes and dreams, their favorite colors, games they play and prayers they pray.  Then I share the information with the world in hopes of raising support for programs that serve to enrich each of their lives - physically, economically & spiritually.

Malawi is one of the 4 poorest countries in the world.  Circle of Hope International provides care to around 800 children through programs in partnership with Grace Alliance Church near Salima, Malawi. 

• Education - We are committed to educating children so that they can reach their fullest potential and be instrumental in reviving the economy and raising the standard of living for all Malawians. 

• Economic Development - One of the major contributions Circle of Hope is making to the community is the opportunity for employment and the growth of our farming industry.  In this hungry season, the number of people fed daily by Circle of Hope has swelled to around 1000 people, much of that food has been produced on our very own farms!  Income from the mill, Hands of Grace Textiles and the farms in addition to our sponsorship donations, we are employing more than 120 people who in turn support the local economy and lift the entire region.

• Health Care - Good Health is the foundational piece of Africa's restoration. Healthy people can care for their families, learn new ways of caring for the land, take advantage of available education, and develop their communities to step out of poverty.  We are committed to advancing the health of this community through home care for people with AIDS, nutrition, healing prayer, maternal health and infant feeding programs.

Many times people are very concerned about what they will “DO” on a mission trip. We can’t wait to see what Jesus would have us “BECOME” on a mission trip. During this trip we will explore together the faith of Malawians, their incredible strength in the face of poverty, their amazing love for Jesus and for the children He has brought to the Grace Center.  What will we do? We are going to pray with Malawians, we are going to play with and care for children, we are going to minister to the sick and hurting – all at the feet of Jesus. We are available to be used by Jesus, to be His hands, His feet, His voice wherever He may lead us.

 

We’ll be staying in the village with the children of Timothy’s and Patricia’s Homes.  These children have been rescued from very difficult situations, some were abandoned, some abused.   After years of praying for them, I’m excited for a personal connection with some really awesome kids.

The total cost of this trip is $3500.  Would you be willing to help me raise the money?  The money will be used to cover airfare, in-country expenses such as travel, food and lodging.  A portion of the money goes directly to the project to help the children.  Your gift is tax-deductible and will be receipted by Circle of Hope International.  

You can read more about Circle of Hope on their website:  www.cohcommunity.org.

Send your gift to: 

Circle of Hope International,

PO Box 132, Wilmore KY 40390. 

On a separate piece of paper, please mark your gift clearly:  Sara Dailey.   

Do not put my name on the memo line of your check. 

You can also give online at www.cohcommunity.org/donate. 

Please put my name in the dedication box of your donation.

Even more than money, though, I need your prayers.
Please send a message saradailey@me.com to receive email updates on the trip and ways to pray for us.  

• Please pray for our Malawian partners at the Grace Center.  
• Pray for our team as we travel and minister in Malawi, June 14 – July 3.  
• Please pray for me.  As I am not only gathering information, but giving them a voice and hopefully connecting them to a sponsor that will pray and provide for their future!  
• Pray for all the orphaned children in Malawi.  
• Pray for the individuals and families we will be sharing the gospel with that they may come to know Jesus as their Savior. 
•  And finally please pray for my girls,  Annie and Gracie.  I wish they could come too, but I have to leave them behind on this trip.  They will each be spending time with friends.  Annie in Lexington, KY and Gracie in Santa Cruz, Ca.  Pray that they have safe trips and make some very happy memories.

Thank you so much for your love, support, prayers and generosity,

Sara Dailey

 

Yes, I want to support Sara Dailey on her Circle of Hope mission trip to Malawi, Africa!

I want to pray for the team. My email address is _________________________________

Enclosed please find my check for $___________________________________________

Name: __________________________________________________________________

Address:_________________________________________________________________

City, State, Zip:____________________________________________________________

All donations are tax-deductible. Please do not write the name of your team member on the check. Mail your check to: Circle of Hope International, PO Box 132, Wilmore KY 40390

Going Out

I have decided that I'm going out on a date this weekend.  Except there isn't anybody to take me out - so I'm going by myself.  Does anybody else do this?  I used to, before I met my husband - concerts, restaurants, parks, even the zoo, by myself.  Not to try to meet someone, but just to get out enjoy the world.

ALL MY LIFE, I have wanted to go see the ballet, symphony or opera, and haven't gotten to do it as a spectator EVER. As a member of the May Festival Youth Chorus in high school, I was honored to get to sing with the symphony and pops orchestra.  I've been to the ballet, to sing carols in the halls at intermission, and a gorgeous music festival with another symphony, but just to sit and just enjoy it... never. 

So I will do that.  I'm going to dress up, do my hair.  Put on earrings and a pretty necklace and shoes that hurt my feet.  I'm going to wear perfume.  And I'm going to sit and drink in Verdi's Requiem. It's a funeral mass, and it's very intense.  I will probably be the one crying in that super cheap seat in the front orchestra section, on the end.  It's probably behind a pole, but heck, it's only $12 and not that far from the seats that people pay 50-100 bucks for.  Maybe I will take myself out for a nice dinner too.  I'm not embarrassed to sit at table by myself.   Maybe not, because I can’t really afford it, but if I could – I would.

I have wanted this too long.  I never asked my husband to take me to something like that, in fact we never really got to go on dates, just a few dinners out here and there and a movie a couple of times.  And I was with him almost 10 years!  So many reasons why, all of them stupid.  If I thought really hard, I could probably count maybe 5 actual dates he took me on, where we went out, without a kid and did something as a couple.  Even our “honeymoon” was enjoyed with our 2 year daughter.   I feel sad that we never took the time to enjoy a nice adult evening out.

In the years since he has died, I have prayed and hoped for a relationship, excited about the prospect of getting to know someone and falling in love, but also getting to have the experience of “date night”.   Dressing up, feeling fancy, and beautiful.    And nothing ever seems to work out.  I get my hopes up only to be rejected. 

Well, there is no reason I have to wait for a man who will take me to the symphony.  I will take myself out.  Especially when there are $12.00 seats available – glad I am a cheap date!

*I'm thinking of blogging again, and found this draft from 12/2012 that I never published.  Here you go world... just an interesting experience I had.

Edgar Allan Poe spoke of a unique class of "fancies" -'thoughts that were not really thoughts and described it as follows...

 "only at its epochs of most intense tranquillity–when the bodily and mental health are in perfection–and at those mere points of time where the confines of the waking world blend with those of the world of dreams. I am aware of these "fancies" only when I am upon the very brink of sleep, with the consciousness that I am so. I have satisfied myself that this condition exists but for an inappreciable point of time–yet it is crowded with these "shadows of shadows" 

I had an experience like this today. Sights that could not really be seen. I drifted off while reading and awoke peacefully with my eyes closed. Before I opened my eyes I realized that I could see something beautiful. Colors and patterns moving and swirling about, mostly green and blue, ebbing and flowing in three dimensions. I "focused" on what I could "see" trying to decide what it was. Perhaps the blood vessels of my eyelids or retina? I was most assuredly awake. I turned my head a little and everything got a little darker, so I turned it back. Then I covered each eye to see if it would have an effect. When I covered my left eye with my hand nothing happened, but when I covered my right eye with my hand (without applying pressure) there was darkness that flowed in, and out again when I removed my hand. It is so difficult to put down in words what I saw. I opened my eyes, and closed them again, and the scene was gone.

 I decided to Google "seeing with your eyes closed" and found a lovely wiki article that gives an explanation of this phenomenon, "closed eye visualization" (or hallucination) What I experienced was Level 3, just a step below actually seeing and conversing with unicorns (kidding), also known as a type of phosphene. There is a small gif that shows an example, but what I saw was much more beautiful, dimensional and dynamic. And although the wiki associates this mainly with LSD use, I assure you I have never dropped acid. I read a little more about this... it is a fascinating subject! I wonder what this from? Random nerve firing? Strange! Anybody else experience this? I also have struggled with sleep paralysis which is linked to on the wiki page.

We had such a crazy full weekend.

Saturday each of the girls had a dance recital, we had pizza together at Mellow Mushroom and Gracie got to show off her moves at her last ballet class of this session.

My dad and our friend Kaelan were there to cheer them on and bring them flowers.  This is such a big deal to me for two reasons.

First, it was not easy for either one to come.  Dad works 12 hour night shifts and Kaelan has to push through the pain of being in the late stages of cancer to traipse all over town with us.

Secondly...  I hate that my children are fatherless.  I really wish they had a man who would invest in them... show them fatherly love in the ways only a man can do.  It was huge to me that both my dad and friend would cheer for my girls on their big day.  (Although it's hard for me to hold it together with the knowledge that sooner or later Kaelan will get to tell the girls' daddy all about their recital - right after he meets Jesus face to face... and that will probably be sooner rather than later.)  

After the dancing we got to be honored guests at a party for single moms and their children AND then some wonderful worship at Quest with a fantastic message about the faithfulness of God to fulfill his promises - a fresh reminder for me in a difficult season.

In the middle of all that - I took some quiet time to pray for my friends in Malawi who are really suffering right now - and maybe had a glimpse of something in the future for me.

Sunday we got to celebrate 9 years with my littlest Princess Grace.  She got a tiara to remind her that she is royalty, a Christmas puppet show, yummy fried chicken lunch with dear friends and new friends, pierced ears at the mall, froyo from orange leaf, a hilarious night of fun at life group and a long conversation with Grandma Judy.

Is life perfect? No - but it's pretty dang good.

I could dwell on the things that are hard - like the fact that my children's father is G O N E.  But why?

I know that my God is faithful.   He promises beauty from ashes, and that my grief will be turned to joy.   There will be dancing.

Psalm 68:4-6

Sing praises to him who rides the clouds
His name is the Lord --
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows --
this is God whose dwelling is holy.
God places the lonely in families;
he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.

Oh God - please I beg this of you -  be a father to my fatherless girls, Annie and Grace. Defend me.  You are the Lord of Heaven's Army; protect me those who would hurt me.   Give me wisdom to lead them to your lap Jesus, I want you to be their father, the everlasting Father who never will fail them.   I confess that I was putting my hope in others to step forward to help me and I need to trust YOU Jesus.  You would never hand me a stone after promising bread.  I trust you Jesus when you say, "If sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

OK... I'm drifting off to sleep... any more writing would cease to be coherent.

Good Night,
Sara

One Day at a Time

Last week, I sought advice from a very wise woman, about something I was struggling with in my heart. 


I decided, about a month ago, that I wanted to give dating another try.  It's not that I was feeling lonely, actually, I've not felt lonely in a while.  I think it's just been on my mind, and I felt like I was ready.


(I haven't told my family any of this yet, so if any of you are reading this and finding out for the first time... I'm Sorry.  Thank You for reading.  Read on.)


So,  I sort of felt guilty about wanting to meet somebody.  The battle in my heart was this: I wondered if wanting a husband was the same as saying that Jesus is just not enough for me.  Oh, that sounds ugly.  I didn't want to fall into a trap needing Jesus and [fill in the blank] to be satisfied.

Jesus, if I could just 

get married again, 

start school,

lose weight,

have more money,

have more friends, 

go on trips..... 

then I'll be happy.

It's such an easy place to go, after all we grow up asking God to bless us.  But I didn't want to hang my happiness on the chance that finding a good man would make me happy, and then pour my energy into having a relationship - thanking God for blessing me and leaving him in the dust as I ride off into the sunset with Prince Charming.


My wise woman challenged me to be very intentional about spending time with Jesus and commit to 30 min a day, not just the haphazard moments I have with him.  To soak in the word and lean on him.  I've done this, and I can't believe how this past week I feel like I'm simply filled to overflowing with His love.  I have a confidence and joy that is hard to describe.  Even when I came up against a place that stirred up negative thoughts and disappointment,  I was able to rest with confidence that Jesus is ALWAYS faithful.


I might not know the details and the timing, but the one who created time is in control. 
In this past year I finally discovered what I believe to be my calling to the medical field, and then delay after delay.  I asked a word from God about going back to Africa with my girls, and received the answer of "Yes, but not now."


But God has been so faithful, giving me little gifts that I didn't even realize I was praying for.  He's making it obvious to me that I CAN trust him with everything and he will care for my heart, so I don't have to be afraid of anything.  Jesus freed me from the bitterness of unforgiveness, and now he is freeing me of other things like resentment, entitlement, and expectations. 


I just keep telling myself that I can't even imagine how glorious his plans are for my life.  Better than a fairy tale, his story for me is on the shelf next to THE Book of Life.  How awesome is that??!!


I hesitate to admit publicly that I have met a man, but I have.  I didn't find him, he found me.  And I immediately threw a cold bucket of water at him.  Awesome.  But I didn't scare him off... not yet anyway.


This is when I reached out to my wise woman for advice... I was worried that I would hop off down a rabbit trail away from Jesus, toward this man.  I realized that I wasn't taking my relationship with Jesus as serious as I could.  So instead of losing myself in the prospect of a new romance, it's actually driving me to become more intimate with Jesus.  That has to be a good thing!  I'm praying, I'm reading the Bible with new determination, I'm seeking God's will and turning my will over to him.  I'm getting my hopes up, but not hanging my hope on this relationship, rather trusting that whatever happens, God has me in the palm of his hand.


This man I've met likes to say "One Day at a Time."  Such wisdom.  It's now been 11 "One 
Day"s since we first met.  And I'm grateful for the chance to get to know this wonderful man and at the same time get to know Jesus more deeply.  I don't have to worry that this relationship might not work out.  If it doesn't work out, I still win, because I've come to experience the faithfulness of my Savior and he's filled me with the certainty that he has everything under control.  "Just trust me, I got this." He says.


So there you go... One Day at a Time.

A day in the life

Woke up early, but exhausted after a long day yesterday (rode bike to work, worked, got a ride home and realized I had to work at the swim meet... 3 hours in the concession stand!)

Started laundry since I didn't have anything to wear to work.

Watered the garden (also known as Widow's Hill Farm from here on out)

I called Boss since my commute is much longer when I walk over a mile to the bus stop, then ride 40 minutes... and I was already running late.

He kindly suggested I take the day off to try and get the car fixed... good idea.

Took the clothes out of the dryer and hung them on the clothesline instead.

Called my bud Loralee to see if she and her hubby would help me figure out what's wrong.

Tried to jump start it... let it charge... it finally started and the motor clattered and clanged and grumbled very badly... something it had NOT been doing before it died on the highway Monday.

*sigh*

Maybe the battery is just shot, and it's throwing the timing off...

Dropped over $100 on new battery... nope that's not it.

Picked up Loralee's dog.... see Twitpic

Came home.

Set up my online account with BCTC
Today is the first day I was able to register for my summer class, because I'm a new student.

All sections of my class are full :(  I need to take this class this session or have to wait until Jan. 2013 to start nursing school.

Fired off a note to the instructor asking for permission to add the class (per the registrars suggestion)

Called to see if I could get a ride up to camp to pick up my kids.... I can, but there's not enough room to bring us back!  That's OK... I'll get a ride back with someone else... no worries.

Called another friend to see if she can bring us back... she's full... still need a ride. 
But I got to have a great talk with her.

Thought the cat looked dirty, so I wet him down with some no rinse cat shampoo and toweled him off...

Now I'm covered in cat fur.

Upside: the cat didn't seem to mind much.  He's soft and smells good now.

Walked out to the garden to put a bunch of cat fur in the compost heap and realized that our yellow squash seeds sprouted today while all this was going on.

*smile*

I sat on the ground and looked at this for a long time.

Bare ground this morning.

Sprouts this evening.

Widow's Hill Farm is growing.

Let the orphans eat!

Watered the garden again... thankful for all the good things in life. 

I still don't know what's wrong with my car, or how I'm going to pay for it. 
I may not be able to take that class... thus delaying my start date for nursing school.
But I have a feeling everything is going to work out just fine.

Just another day in life of this widowed single mom. 

Thanks for reading this far.

The Short Version of a Long Plan

In response to what I'll call a 'Holy Dissatisfaction" with the status quo, I spent some time praying.  I stopped looking out and started looking in.  I believe in the quiet of a moment, God whispered a "Yes you can, It's not too late" when I shot an idea down.  He told me this idea that I have that seems impossible really is possible with him.
I'm going to Nursing School.
As soon as I can.
It's what I never knew I always wanted to with my life.
I'm working on getting my transcripts from the college where I got my BBA - already encountered a roadblock. Apparently I still owe them $450 - oops.
Then I can meet with advisors to start the application process.
I want to take a few pre-reqs, and misc classes either this summer or fall, and try to start full time in a BSN program in Jan. 2012

Work part-time as a tax collector.

Work my butt off as a nursing student, and widowed mother of 2.

Graduate in spring of 2014

Get a job in critical care, surgery unit or whatever will prepare me the best to.... wait for it....
Publish Post
Go back to school again in 2 years to become a CRNA.

Work my butt off some more with my girls in high school and middle school.

Graduate before my oldest finishes high school.

Get a job where I can work hard, but have free time to travel with surgical teams to care medically for the worlds poor.

Do it all while leaning on Jesus - because I know I CANNOT do this by myself - humanly speaking, it's impossible but with God all things are possible.  He will equip me for everything he's called me to do.

Thanks for listening.

The very best thing about widowhood.

I really do wish I could have my husband back.  I wish that my little girls had their Daddy, and that we were one big happy family.

BUT...  There's one thing that's great about this situation.

Now,
I'm the BOSS. 

After years of an unhealthy marriage, we were really just starting over when he died.   Jesus took a wrecking ball to our marriage (that was very wrecked anyway) and was rebuilding something very beautiful.  But before that, Roger was controlling, manipulative and made bad choices that put all of us in challenging situations year after year.

But now it's up to me to lead this family.  Well- me and Jesus.  It's pretty hard to be in this spot sometimes, because I don't have a husband to help make decisions.  And on the big decisions I was used to being over ruled most the time.  (That's how we got to Lexington, I didn't want to come!)
Now, I can seek help from whoever I want, but ultimately I am the one who makes the choices around here.  

I'm feeling a little cocky about it right now... maybe a little too cocky.  I'm thinking of taking my girls on a trip... and I'm realizing that as long as I can fund it... I can basically do whatever I want to do, and there's nothing anybody can do to stop me.

It's kind of nice.
It's one of the few good things about widowhood.
Maybe the very best thing about widowhood.

How far would you go?

I want to write about something I remember Pastor Shaun King saying (not exact quote, but the same idea) -

Suppose you find out that the children who live down the street are being abused terribly? 
Or they are starving... living out in the elements (maybe living in a pen in the back yard)? 

Would you be outraged? 
Would you want to save them? 
Would you have the police, child services, ANYBODY beating down the doors to save them?  
How many people would you tell until you those kids were safe, fed, and sheltered?

What if those kids weren't down the street?
Maybe they lived in a different area of town? 
Maybe they live in a different state?

What if they don't live in the US.  What if they live in Haiti or Africa?
How far away do those babies have to be - before you stop caring?
How far until it doesn't matter to you anymore?

I'd be willing to bet there are more than just a few of my Facebook / Twitter friends who have muted me because they don't want to see me post about Haiti or Africa AGAIN.

But there's still work that needs to be done.  Little kids are DYING of Cholera in an outbreak in Haiti because they don't have access to clean water.   These are kids that would running around on the playground with YOUR kids if they lived here.   

My friends in Africa have rescued two little boys, Yamikani and Ishmael.  The older boy, Yamikani has been tied up in a goat pen for TWELVE YEARS because he has some kind of condition that causes him to fall.  His little brother Ishmael was so anemic he needed a blood transfusion.  It was too late for the mother's other SEVEN children.

So I won't apologize for the content of my facebook posts and tweets.  To the tell the truth, I'm ashamed I don't do more.

If this touches a spot and you and you want to help.... THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT THIS!

If you want to help people in Haiti - Donate to http://www.fountainsofhope.org/
for more info (and how to donate from Canada) visit my friend Melissa's Blog .
UPDATE:  Melissa is at Northwest Haiti Chistian Mission working in a cholera clinic... things are bad and they are low on supplies.... if you see this please donate to http://www.mmrcglobal.org/ or http://www.nwhcm.com/

If you want to help Yamikani - Ishmael and other kids in Malawi- Donate to http://www.cohcommunity.org/
for more info visit the Circle of Hope Facebook page.


But for now this is the least I can do.
What will you do?

A Courageous Trip to Haiti -Intro

Recently I got to go to Haiti with a team of people from all over the United States (and Canada!)   This trip was the first in a series of trips put together by Shaun King of Courageous Church in Atlanta, GA.  The mission - to begin work on a new and improved Miriam Center as part of the A Home In Haiti initiative.  The goal of A Home in Haiti is to bring relief both physical & spiritual to the people of Haiti.  This organization is helping people in earthquake ravaged areas and people who weren't impacted directly by the earthquake but are suffering anyway.
First Phase - Tents
Many people in Haiti were left with no shelter after the earthquake.  A Home in Haiti was able gather the resources of caring people all over the country and send over 1.5 million dollars worth of tents to the people of Haiti

Phase 2 - The Miriam Center
This is an orphanage for children with special needs/ severe disabilities.  Right now the Miriam Center is overcrowded with children from the Earthquake.  This new center in will be both school and lodging for these children, but also a center of activity, learning and worship for the whole community.
Here is the Google Map - Google calls it Bonneou, it's actually Bonneau.


View Larger Map

It's late, and I want to write so much more, but I'll have to save it for another day.
In the mean time consider supporting the work there.
Shaun has come up with a unique way of raising the rest of the money to build the Miriam Center.  It's a celebrity twitter fundraiser. 

If you want to help complete the project we started, go to

Twit Change 

to bid on a twitter connection with a favorite celebrity.

Not into twitter?  That's fine!
You can donate directly to the project by going to www.ahomeinhaiti.com
PLEASE HELP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN!

Tune in later for more!
Sara

I wrote a story to be used in a curriculum for Circle of Hope in Malawi. My friend has translated it into Chichewa, the native language of Malawi. She gave me a list of words that accentuate the 'e' sound in Chichewa and I found the story that was waiting in those words. I also wanted to incorporate a simple science lesson about astronomy and a very friendly planetary alignment that occurred not too long ago. 

The boy's name in the story was originally 'Enoki' for the E sound, but if we ever publish this book in English, I would love to change the boy's name in honor of my friend, Timothy.  He was one of the kids at the Msipe campus of Circle of Hope.  Timothy was one of the first to greet me, loved to speak English.  He lead a small crew of boys, and was one of the sweetest young men I've ever met.  He died on October 23, 2009.  I'll miss him.

This is from an email I received last fall....

"It makes us very sad to tell you that one of our children, Timothy, was tragically killed when he was hit by a car on Friday evening. Timothy was a very special child. A few years ago he told Karen that he wanted to do what she did when he grew up, he wanted to take care of orphan children. Timothy was a true leader. When we took the kids to the beach to play one day, Timothy had no fear or hesitation, "Come on everyone, let's swim." He was the first one in the water!

Timothy was recognized by all in the community as leader. His school had elected him as the head boy for the entire school. An honor usually reserved for an eighth grader, but given to this young seventh grader because of his bright potential.

Timothy will be sorely missed at our project. He served as a peer tutor and could always be trusted to lead in any activity the children engaged in.

Timothy, we are glad that you are with Jesus, but we will miss you."

Since then, Circle of Hope has built Timothy's Home.  It's a home for about a dozen children that have been rescued from desperate situations.  It's my hope that one day, this story could be published with the proceeds going to Circle of Hope to fund the work Timothy would have wanted to do.

 

When the Moon Smiled Back

By Sara Dailey
Copyright 2009

One evening, Timothy went for a walk on the road by his home.
It was cool and breezy, so Timothy wore his jacket.
Timothy gazed up at the round full moon.
The moon’s brightness made him smile.
Timothy wondered if the moon looked back at him.

Timothy waved his jacket in the air.
“Eya! Do you see me?”
The moon only glowed brightly in return.

He climbed a tree to get closer to the moon.
“Eya! Can you hear me?” Called Timothy.
The moon did not yell back.

Timothy had an idea.
Timothy went inside, and sat at his desk.
He took out a pencil and piece of paper.
Timothy wrote a note to the moon.
“Thank you for sharing your light.
Thank you for giving me a smile.
May you be blessed on your journey.”

Timothy slipped the note into an envelope.
On the front of the envelope, in his very best printing,
Timothy wrote: “To The Moon”.
Timothy walked back to the road.
He climbed the tree again.
Timothy lifted his hands and gave the envelope with the note to the wind.

The moon is very far thought Timothy.

Days and weeks passed by.
Timothy wondered if the moon received the envelope with his note.

Then one evening, Timothy looked up and smiled.
He was happy and knew that the moon must have gotten the note,

Because this time… the moon smiled back.

Tracy Shiffman snapped this photo of a nearly vertical smiley face hanging in the evening sky.
Source: News Limited

Click here for an article that explains this phenomenon.

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The Future - Unknown

So as far as the future goes.... wow.


Here's some ideas:

Dating:   Yeah, I know it's kind of crazy.  This is what I alluded to in my previous post talking about considering pursuing a graduate degree, in marriage.   I'm not interested in dating a bunch of people just for the heck of it.  I don't want to be the kind of woman that parades men in and out of my kid's life.   I have two daughters, age 7 and 11.  The youngest has been asking for me to bring home a new dad ever since Roger died.   So I need to protect her little heart from getting too attached to someone that is not right for our family.  At first I was really convinced that I wanted to get married again when the time was right... now I'm not so sure.  Independence from 'the man' is starting to be kind of nice, and if I get involved with someone, then I will no longer be the leader of our little family.  Right now, I can kind of do anything I want.  If I get a wild idea that I want to move to Indonesia, there's nobody to stop me. But I can never be a Dad for my kids, and I think they might benefit from having a Step-Dad.

The Apostle Paul gives advice about this in the Bible:
The younger widows should not be on the list [for the church to support], because their physical desires will overpower their devotion to Christ and they will want to remarry. Then they would be guilty of breaking their previous pledge.  And if they are on the list, they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t. So I advise these younger widows to marry again, have children, and take care of their own homes. Then the enemy will not be able to say anything against them. For I am afraid that some of them have already gone astray and now follow Satan.

-1 Timothy 5:11-15

So I think I'll try it out a bit... I might even have lunch with someone new next week.  Did anybody see that coming?  Heh heh heh.... Yeah, I got a few cards up my sleeve.  I'm not going to reveal too much right now... we'll just have to see.


What else?  
Well, I wasn't kidding about Indonesia.  I have wanted to go to the island of Lombok for years now.  Why Lombok?  I don't exactly know.  It's beachy, that is nice, but it's also not as developed as other beachy places.    I am more interested in visiting rural or off-beat places, not big tourist destinations.  I've wanted to visit Russia ever since I was little (which is when it was still the communist USSR)  I've wanted to visit China, Eastern Europe, (OK ANY Europe) Iceland, rural England or Scotland, Peru, and Africa too.  Of course, I got to visit Africa in 2009 and LOVED it.  (I'll blog about that too... don't worry.)  I've also considered visiting Jamaica too after volunteering this fall for the Nash Brighton Project.

So how does a poor widow on a fixed income get to travel to or even live in any of these exotic locales?  There's the million dollar question.   Here's the more important question though...  Is my INTENSE desire to get out of here something that God planted in me for a bigger purpose?   I don't really care much about self-gratification.  It makes me sick to think of spending loads of time and resources on my own selfish pleasure.  How could I just sit on the beach, when I could be out there making the world a better place for people who are less fortunate than me AND more importantly...  helping drag people from the gates Hell. (Does that sound too dramatic to you?  I'll blog about that later too.)


I think I have the answer. I'm going to need some major feedback on this one people.

TESOL.   Huh?  What is that? Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages.  It's a career where I work either in the States OR abroad!  There are some issues surrounding this that make it a little tricky.
#1 I'm not a teacher!
#2 I don't want to be a teacher, and don't generally like kids.  American children especially get on my nerves.  I do love my own children... a lot.  But I'm not a kid person, never was, even when I was a kid myself.  The kids in school were mean to me and mean to the teachers.  I never wanted any of that punishment heaped on me.   Going to Africa though was kind of therapeutic, because I LOVED working with the Malawian children.  They were wonderful, so it gives me hope in that area.
#3 I don't know how to get certified in this area or how I would ever get hired.
#4 What do I do with my kids if we move to a foreign country?  Would they hate it?  What kind of school would they go to?  Would I have to home school them?  Who would watch them while I was working?  How do I keep them from being sold to sex traffickers?  (Seriously!!! My kids are gorgeous and it's a risk!)
#5 Future husband? *GULP* That's a whole 'nother can of worms.
#6 Does God want to use me this way, or am I just grasping at straws, trying to figure things out myself and not relying on Him.


Wow, that was exhausting.


Comments PLEASE!!!!!  Honestly, that's a big part of why I'm doing this.

The Present - Widowhood

I've been trying to come up with a way to define the experience, to understand my past and be ready for the future.

The world seems to have a negative view of widowhood, and being a widow.  It's a secret society or guild of sorts.  You have to give up the love of your life to join.  The recommendation process can involve being a witness to sickness, pain, and/or suffering, having to make really hard choices to end a life, or being ambushed by doctors or police or military officers with fatal news.  Your initiation ceremony is a funeral, and nobody congratulates you when it's over.  (But on the plus side there is usually lots good food at the after party.)   Instead of cryptic passwords and secret handshakes, there are the awkward "I'm SO sorry"s, hugs and that damned 'sympathy look' (you know the one).   Yeah... welcome to the club, here's your black rose.  

When I titled this “The Present – Widowhood”  I wondered if people would get confused for a second thinking I meant present as ‘gift’. 

Nope -  not what I meant, I was actually thinking 'present' as in the here and now.

BUT…. WHAT IF??????

*you gotta read this slowly for maximum effect*

W h a t   i f,   i t  a c t u a l l y   I S  a  g i f t ?

Huh?

Could widowhood actually be a gift to my life?  The kind of gift you never asked for, didn’t want, wished you could take back, then slowly realized the Giver had put some thought into it and had a plan in mind when He had it dropped on your front porch with a heavy THUD.  In my case, the “gift” was delivered by three uniformed police officers and an asshole coroner.  (Crossed it out, I’m sure he’s a nice guy… I just don’t like him much.)

Geez, what kind of gift is THAT, God????  I mean, we suffered through a marriage marked with drug and alcohol addiction, mental and emotional abuse, and scarcity then You redeemed ALL of that in marvelous beautiful ways.  We were learning how to love each other the way we thought you wanted us to…. we were so hopeful and thankful for the ways you changed us.  Looking forward to happy future, and a new baby!  I couldn’t have been happier.  And then it all came crashing down on the morning of April 26, 2008 and then a almost a month later on May 23 when I had to have a D&C to remove the baby girl who's heartbeat had stopped.

I was sad.  Surprised. Confused.  I missed him. I missed her. I missed the future I thought we had.  I wondered why did God have to take all this away, just when things were getting good?   Maybe God wasn’t the one who took my husband and baby away, but he did allow it to happen.  Maybe he didn’t intend to send this gift my way.

But what if He decided to intercept the punch in the face that was heading my way and wrapped it up as an unexpected, unwanted gift that will turn out to be the gateway to His plans for me.

 Maybe I’ll get an explanation someday, but guess what?

It doesn’t matter WHY.  I know that through it all God still has something beautiful for me and my girls.  He has promised me that, and I’m going to hold him to it.

So instead of looking at widowhood at a tragedy, so sad, poor me, I’m looking at it as a door that has opened.  Kind of like a graduation.  It’s kind of like I have my Undergraduate Degree with a double major in Wife and Mother.    I made it! I didn’t drop out (even though I wanted to at times.)   I’m thinking about pursuing a graduate degree too…   I’m not sure how that fits into God’s plan for me… so I’m taking it easy right now.

What do you think about that?

Examination

The gears are turning and I'm considering both my past and the future.

Yesterday my friend Morgan launched a new blog and business as a life coach.

This is the perfect thing for her, because I know I'm not the only one who wants to be just like Morgan when I grow up :)

But anyway...

For months I’ve been thinking,

and considering

and wondering

and praying

about new beginnings.

I commented on Morgan’s blog something to the effect that I feel like I've been living in LimboLand, a proud resident of the City of I-Dunno for 2 years now. I need to move on.

Before I do that happens though, I want to take a look at my life and explore a bit the places I’ve been, figure out where I am and brainstorm a bit about the future.

Will you join me as I toss together some experiences and ideas and throw them out into public view on this blog?

Zambia by way of Malawi

I went to Africa last summer.... I'll tell you all about it some other time if you want to know. Tonight while thumbing throught my pictures I found one that I hadn't really noticed before... I like it alot :)
What do you think?

This is on a game drive in South Luangwa National Park in Zambia, with Land and Lakes Safaria out of Lilongwe, Malawi.
Shot with my Nikon CoolPix 90  mmmmm.  Love it.

Roller Coaster

I like roller coasters, sort of.

Maybe others feel the same...

I stand there looking at the coaster...
"THAT looks fun... I need to ride that."

I wait in line...
"oooohhhh I can't wait... I really want to be riding that."

I am getting in my seat, and as the ride starts...
"Oh crap, what did I just get myself into."

In the course of the ride...
"This is not a good idea, I'm going to die!"
"Oh, I'm OK"
"This is fun!"
"Oh no it's noooooooot"
"Jesus stop the spinning, I'm going to vomit."
"Whew... I still have lunch."
"OK, OK I'm having fun."
"What? It's almost over?"

I get off the ride...
"Let's do it again!"

But its really easy to see that the roller coaster isn't just an amusement park ride,
It's life.

Some stay on the kiddie coaster.

Some people [like me] opt for the biggest baddest thing out there. I just keep riding and riding and riding. Sometimes I drag people to ride with me. Sometimes I THINK someone is riding with me, when really they are on the ground, saying "What the Hell are you doing?"

Sometimes I chose to ride alone.

Sometimes people do better on roller coasters when they have Dramamine.

Yeah... sometimes meds really help.

25 Not-so-random things about Sara

Remember the 25 Random Things craze that hit facebook back in January 2008? Well... I'm going to be really cheap and repost my 25 list here, with a few slight changes. (For example, I am no longer a dog washer.)


1. My husband Roger died on April 26, 2008. He was killed when he hit a guardrail on his motorcycle. I was pregnant with our 3rd daughter, she died a few weeks later. (12 weeks into the pregnancy) I got to hear her heartbeat on the ultrasound about week before the miscarriage… it was faint and slow, but marvelous proof that she was real and alive, if only for a little bit. I only put this first because some of you don't know this, and people don't always read to the bottom.

2. I think my friend Robin Meek is one of the most wonderful women anyone will ever meet. There are a million things I could say about her… but this isn’t about her. [edit: I want to add about 10 more names to the list of the most wonderful women anyone will ever meet, so maybe i need to delete this, but I still love Robin so I'll leave it!]

3. It annoys me to see a photo album named ‘Random Pics.’ I believe that more than 99% of stuff that people post on FB (pics and comments) is not random. I believe most 'random' stuff is carefully selected to masterfully craft the image one presents of oneself. Random is not the pic of you and that really hot guy or girl that agreed to pose with you at the bar... like "look at this pic of me drinking a beer with that hot guy / girl... I’m so cool, I’m so fun, really I am....see, I put it on facebook!"
I want to see what would happen if there was program that would RANDOMLY chose a pic from someone's computer and upload it to FACEBOOK. Anybody brave enough to allow that? I'm not! [End of rant on randomality]

4. I spend way too much time on facebook, but I LOVE IT. I love that I've been able to connect with people from my past, and become more acquainted with people I see every week. Facebook has been a wonderful gift to me this year, and as with all good things, (like gin) facebook must be used in moderation. (I’ll try to remember this.)

5. I've always been attracted to really dark stuff. Like the work of Edgar Allen Poe, gargoyles, and certain kinds of music.

6. I never felt free to express my thoughts and dress the way I wanted to dress, especially in high school. If I did, I would have worn black gothic stuff long before it was trendy.

7. There is only one person who never has and never will let me down. His name is Jesus, and he loves me so completely and perfectly. I accepted his love, forgiveness, leadership, and salvation on Nov. 1, 2006. My personal choice to enter into this relationship with Jesus has changed both my eternity and my life. I’m far from perfect, and yet He saves me every day.

8. I love more than I ever have before and have new eyes for people.

9. I’ll never REALLY be ok again… and that’s a great thing, because my heart breaks for this broken world.

10. I don’t expect all my friends to understand the Jesus thing, and I won’t push my beliefs on anyone, but I hope that one day everyone will accept Him and let Him save them.

11. My girls are taking orders for Girl Scout cookies. Email me your order before 1/31.

12. My house is ALWAYS messy; it keeps me from inviting people over, because I’m so embarrassed.

13. When I lived in Bellevue, I would have been overjoyed if any one of these guys would have paid attention to me or asked me out (not in any particular order): Jake Schaaf, Galen Martin, Mike Freeman, Tom Myers, Marcus Lehnart, Aaron Nicely. There, now you guys know!

14. My Christmas tree is still up… so is all my Christmas décor. I’m considering buying hearts, to decorate it for Valentine’s Day so I don’t have to take it down. (Then shamrocks, then Easter eggs… you get the picture.)

15. Speaking of shamrocks… My wedding anniversary is March 17 (St. Patrick’s Day) I really need someone special to take me out this year to get really drunk, listen to whatever drunken craziness I spew out about my dead husband, not judge me for it and take care of me afterwards. Tall order, eh? [Didn't actually do this.]

16. I am Canadian-American.

17. I’m always surprised when people say I’m beautiful, only now am I starting to feel beautiful.

18. Sara Dailey, BBA (GPA 3.2 if I remember correctly)
Focus concentration – Marketing
Integral concentration – International Business
Occupation – Part-time dog washer. My degree and the extra classes in German language,
literature, history & culture have come in handy in dealing with the German Shepards.
[no longer washing dogs, but it was fun while it lasted]

19. I’ve learned this: a deep desire to hide something is a good indicator of the need to reveal that ‘something’ and bring it into the light.

20. I feel sad that I didn’t get very many date nights with my husband before he died. I don’t want a boyfriend, but I want a date night. (Yeah, I know it doesn’t make any sense!)


21. Wishing I could ask a handsome beetroot farmer out for the above mentioned date night.

22. I’m going to play rugby this spring with the Lexington Black Widows Rugby Union. I don’t know how to play rugby. They say the best way to learn, is to just get out there and play. (And no they aren’t ALL widows, just me.)

23. I want to go to Lombok, Indonesia.

24. Not asking for help when I really needed it has cost me dearly.

25. I really want to be known… why do you think I post so much on facebook?

26. I LOVE to sing. I wish I had a better voice. I wish I could use my voice to be the next Disney Princess.

27. I use parentheticals way too much.

28. I have some sort of aversion to the letter ‘O’. In fact for a long time I would go to Bigg’s, Meijer, or Thriftway rather than Kroger, just because of the name. (But I’m getting over it.)

29. Sometimes, I just don’t know when to stop, hence #29.

30. I only set my thermostat on even numbers (See #27 and #29)