I have decided that I'm going out on a date this
weekend. Except there isn't anybody to
take me out - so I'm going by myself.
Does anybody else do this? I used
to, before I met my husband - concerts, restaurants, parks, even the zoo, by myself. Not to try to meet
someone, but just to get out enjoy the world.
ALL MY LIFE, I have wanted to go see the ballet, symphony or opera, and haven't gotten to do it as a spectator EVER. As a member of the May Festival Youth Chorus in high school, I was honored to get to sing with the symphony and pops orchestra. I've been to the ballet, to sing
carols in the halls at intermission, and a gorgeous music festival with another symphony, but
just to sit and just enjoy it... never.
So I will do that.
I'm going to dress up, do my hair.
Put on earrings and a pretty necklace and shoes that hurt my feet. I'm going to wear perfume. And I'm going to sit and drink in Verdi's
Requiem. It's a funeral mass, and it's very intense. I will probably be the one crying in that
super cheap seat in the front orchestra section, on the end. It's probably behind a pole, but heck, it's
only $12 and not that far from the seats that people pay 50-100 bucks for. Maybe I will take myself out for a
nice dinner too. I'm not embarrassed to
sit at table by myself. Maybe not, because I can’t really afford it,
but if I could – I would.
I have wanted this too long. I never asked my husband to take me to
something like that, in fact we never really got to go on dates, just a few
dinners out here and there and a movie a couple of times. And I was with him almost 10 years! So many reasons why, all of them stupid. If I thought really hard, I could probably
count maybe 5 actual dates he took me on, where we went out, without a kid and
did something as a couple. Even our “honeymoon”
was enjoyed with our 2 year daughter. I feel sad that we never took the time to
enjoy a nice adult evening out.
In the years since he has died, I have prayed and hoped for
a relationship, excited about the prospect of getting to know someone and
falling in love, but also getting to have the experience of “date night”. Dressing up, feeling fancy, and beautiful. And
nothing ever seems to work out. I get my
hopes up only to be rejected.
