Friday, February 28, 2014

Going Out

I have decided that I'm going out on a date this weekend.  Except there isn't anybody to take me out - so I'm going by myself.  Does anybody else do this?  I used to, before I met my husband - concerts, restaurants, parks, even the zoo, by myself.  Not to try to meet someone, but just to get out enjoy the world.

ALL MY LIFE, I have wanted to go see the ballet, symphony or opera, and haven't gotten to do it as a spectator EVER. As a member of the May Festival Youth Chorus in high school, I was honored to get to sing with the symphony and pops orchestra.  I've been to the ballet, to sing carols in the halls at intermission, and a gorgeous music festival with another symphony, but just to sit and just enjoy it... never. 

So I will do that.  I'm going to dress up, do my hair.  Put on earrings and a pretty necklace and shoes that hurt my feet.  I'm going to wear perfume.  And I'm going to sit and drink in Verdi's Requiem. It's a funeral mass, and it's very intense.  I will probably be the one crying in that super cheap seat in the front orchestra section, on the end.  It's probably behind a pole, but heck, it's only $12 and not that far from the seats that people pay 50-100 bucks for.  Maybe I will take myself out for a nice dinner too.  I'm not embarrassed to sit at table by myself.   Maybe not, because I can’t really afford it, but if I could – I would.

I have wanted this too long.  I never asked my husband to take me to something like that, in fact we never really got to go on dates, just a few dinners out here and there and a movie a couple of times.  And I was with him almost 10 years!  So many reasons why, all of them stupid.  If I thought really hard, I could probably count maybe 5 actual dates he took me on, where we went out, without a kid and did something as a couple.  Even our “honeymoon” was enjoyed with our 2 year daughter.   I feel sad that we never took the time to enjoy a nice adult evening out.

In the years since he has died, I have prayed and hoped for a relationship, excited about the prospect of getting to know someone and falling in love, but also getting to have the experience of “date night”.   Dressing up, feeling fancy, and beautiful.    And nothing ever seems to work out.  I get my hopes up only to be rejected. 

Well, there is no reason I have to wait for a man who will take me to the symphony.  I will take myself out.  Especially when there are $12.00 seats available – glad I am a cheap date!