I really do wish I could have my husband back. I wish that my little girls had their Daddy, and that we were one big happy family.
BUT... There's one thing that's great about this situation.
Now,
I'm the BOSS.
After years of an unhealthy marriage, we were really just starting over when he died. Jesus took a wrecking ball to our marriage (that was very wrecked anyway) and was rebuilding something very beautiful. But before that, Roger was controlling, manipulative and made bad choices that put all of us in challenging situations year after year.
But now it's up to me to lead this family. Well- me and Jesus. It's pretty hard to be in this spot sometimes, because I don't have a husband to help make decisions. And on the big decisions I was used to being over ruled most the time. (That's how we got to Lexington, I didn't want to come!)
Now, I can seek help from whoever I want, but ultimately I am the one who makes the choices around here.
I'm feeling a little cocky about it right now... maybe a little too cocky. I'm thinking of taking my girls on a trip... and I'm realizing that as long as I can fund it... I can basically do whatever I want to do, and there's nothing anybody can do to stop me.
It's kind of nice.
It's one of the few good things about widowhood.
Maybe the very best thing about widowhood.
BUT... There's one thing that's great about this situation.
Now,
I'm the BOSS.
After years of an unhealthy marriage, we were really just starting over when he died. Jesus took a wrecking ball to our marriage (that was very wrecked anyway) and was rebuilding something very beautiful. But before that, Roger was controlling, manipulative and made bad choices that put all of us in challenging situations year after year.
But now it's up to me to lead this family. Well- me and Jesus. It's pretty hard to be in this spot sometimes, because I don't have a husband to help make decisions. And on the big decisions I was used to being over ruled most the time. (That's how we got to Lexington, I didn't want to come!)
Now, I can seek help from whoever I want, but ultimately I am the one who makes the choices around here.
I'm feeling a little cocky about it right now... maybe a little too cocky. I'm thinking of taking my girls on a trip... and I'm realizing that as long as I can fund it... I can basically do whatever I want to do, and there's nothing anybody can do to stop me.
It's kind of nice.
It's one of the few good things about widowhood.
Maybe the very best thing about widowhood.
So optimistic!
ReplyDeleteYou go, sista. I've spent most of my fourth year after loss learning again what was WRONG with my first marriage. It's liberating to be beyond that.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and yours!
X
Supa
Wow, I see few things with this picture, some good and some bad. I think is great that you are now like an eagle able to spread your wings, however the cockiness can be a dangerous thing. Cockiness can be viewed as prideful or arrogant. The bible has so many verse on pride, here's one
ReplyDeleteJob 40:12
Look at every proud man and humble him, crush the wicked where they stand.
I believe God will lead you, if you are willing to be lead. Following will require you to throw out your own agenda and fully submit to him, more so than you submitted to your late husband.
P.S. FYI, I did pray for you as I said I would.
Wil