I wrote a story to be used in a curriculum for Circle of Hope in Malawi. My friend has translated it into Chichewa, the native language of Malawi. She gave me a list of words that accentuate the 'e' sound in Chichewa and I found the story that was waiting in those words. I also wanted to incorporate a simple science lesson about astronomy and a very friendly planetary alignment that occurred not too long ago. 

The boy's name in the story was originally 'Enoki' for the E sound, but if we ever publish this book in English, I would love to change the boy's name in honor of my friend, Timothy.  He was one of the kids at the Msipe campus of Circle of Hope.  Timothy was one of the first to greet me, loved to speak English.  He lead a small crew of boys, and was one of the sweetest young men I've ever met.  He died on October 23, 2009.  I'll miss him.

This is from an email I received last fall....

"It makes us very sad to tell you that one of our children, Timothy, was tragically killed when he was hit by a car on Friday evening. Timothy was a very special child. A few years ago he told Karen that he wanted to do what she did when he grew up, he wanted to take care of orphan children. Timothy was a true leader. When we took the kids to the beach to play one day, Timothy had no fear or hesitation, "Come on everyone, let's swim." He was the first one in the water!

Timothy was recognized by all in the community as leader. His school had elected him as the head boy for the entire school. An honor usually reserved for an eighth grader, but given to this young seventh grader because of his bright potential.

Timothy will be sorely missed at our project. He served as a peer tutor and could always be trusted to lead in any activity the children engaged in.

Timothy, we are glad that you are with Jesus, but we will miss you."

Since then, Circle of Hope has built Timothy's Home.  It's a home for about a dozen children that have been rescued from desperate situations.  It's my hope that one day, this story could be published with the proceeds going to Circle of Hope to fund the work Timothy would have wanted to do.

 

When the Moon Smiled Back

By Sara Dailey
Copyright 2009

One evening, Timothy went for a walk on the road by his home.
It was cool and breezy, so Timothy wore his jacket.
Timothy gazed up at the round full moon.
The moon’s brightness made him smile.
Timothy wondered if the moon looked back at him.

Timothy waved his jacket in the air.
“Eya! Do you see me?”
The moon only glowed brightly in return.

He climbed a tree to get closer to the moon.
“Eya! Can you hear me?” Called Timothy.
The moon did not yell back.

Timothy had an idea.
Timothy went inside, and sat at his desk.
He took out a pencil and piece of paper.
Timothy wrote a note to the moon.
“Thank you for sharing your light.
Thank you for giving me a smile.
May you be blessed on your journey.”

Timothy slipped the note into an envelope.
On the front of the envelope, in his very best printing,
Timothy wrote: “To The Moon”.
Timothy walked back to the road.
He climbed the tree again.
Timothy lifted his hands and gave the envelope with the note to the wind.

The moon is very far thought Timothy.

Days and weeks passed by.
Timothy wondered if the moon received the envelope with his note.

Then one evening, Timothy looked up and smiled.
He was happy and knew that the moon must have gotten the note,

Because this time… the moon smiled back.

Tracy Shiffman snapped this photo of a nearly vertical smiley face hanging in the evening sky.
Source: News Limited

Click here for an article that explains this phenomenon.

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The Future - Unknown

So as far as the future goes.... wow.


Here's some ideas:

Dating:   Yeah, I know it's kind of crazy.  This is what I alluded to in my previous post talking about considering pursuing a graduate degree, in marriage.   I'm not interested in dating a bunch of people just for the heck of it.  I don't want to be the kind of woman that parades men in and out of my kid's life.   I have two daughters, age 7 and 11.  The youngest has been asking for me to bring home a new dad ever since Roger died.   So I need to protect her little heart from getting too attached to someone that is not right for our family.  At first I was really convinced that I wanted to get married again when the time was right... now I'm not so sure.  Independence from 'the man' is starting to be kind of nice, and if I get involved with someone, then I will no longer be the leader of our little family.  Right now, I can kind of do anything I want.  If I get a wild idea that I want to move to Indonesia, there's nobody to stop me. But I can never be a Dad for my kids, and I think they might benefit from having a Step-Dad.

The Apostle Paul gives advice about this in the Bible:
The younger widows should not be on the list [for the church to support], because their physical desires will overpower their devotion to Christ and they will want to remarry. Then they would be guilty of breaking their previous pledge.  And if they are on the list, they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t. So I advise these younger widows to marry again, have children, and take care of their own homes. Then the enemy will not be able to say anything against them. For I am afraid that some of them have already gone astray and now follow Satan.

-1 Timothy 5:11-15

So I think I'll try it out a bit... I might even have lunch with someone new next week.  Did anybody see that coming?  Heh heh heh.... Yeah, I got a few cards up my sleeve.  I'm not going to reveal too much right now... we'll just have to see.


What else?  
Well, I wasn't kidding about Indonesia.  I have wanted to go to the island of Lombok for years now.  Why Lombok?  I don't exactly know.  It's beachy, that is nice, but it's also not as developed as other beachy places.    I am more interested in visiting rural or off-beat places, not big tourist destinations.  I've wanted to visit Russia ever since I was little (which is when it was still the communist USSR)  I've wanted to visit China, Eastern Europe, (OK ANY Europe) Iceland, rural England or Scotland, Peru, and Africa too.  Of course, I got to visit Africa in 2009 and LOVED it.  (I'll blog about that too... don't worry.)  I've also considered visiting Jamaica too after volunteering this fall for the Nash Brighton Project.

So how does a poor widow on a fixed income get to travel to or even live in any of these exotic locales?  There's the million dollar question.   Here's the more important question though...  Is my INTENSE desire to get out of here something that God planted in me for a bigger purpose?   I don't really care much about self-gratification.  It makes me sick to think of spending loads of time and resources on my own selfish pleasure.  How could I just sit on the beach, when I could be out there making the world a better place for people who are less fortunate than me AND more importantly...  helping drag people from the gates Hell. (Does that sound too dramatic to you?  I'll blog about that later too.)


I think I have the answer. I'm going to need some major feedback on this one people.

TESOL.   Huh?  What is that? Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages.  It's a career where I work either in the States OR abroad!  There are some issues surrounding this that make it a little tricky.
#1 I'm not a teacher!
#2 I don't want to be a teacher, and don't generally like kids.  American children especially get on my nerves.  I do love my own children... a lot.  But I'm not a kid person, never was, even when I was a kid myself.  The kids in school were mean to me and mean to the teachers.  I never wanted any of that punishment heaped on me.   Going to Africa though was kind of therapeutic, because I LOVED working with the Malawian children.  They were wonderful, so it gives me hope in that area.
#3 I don't know how to get certified in this area or how I would ever get hired.
#4 What do I do with my kids if we move to a foreign country?  Would they hate it?  What kind of school would they go to?  Would I have to home school them?  Who would watch them while I was working?  How do I keep them from being sold to sex traffickers?  (Seriously!!! My kids are gorgeous and it's a risk!)
#5 Future husband? *GULP* That's a whole 'nother can of worms.
#6 Does God want to use me this way, or am I just grasping at straws, trying to figure things out myself and not relying on Him.


Wow, that was exhausting.


Comments PLEASE!!!!!  Honestly, that's a big part of why I'm doing this.

The Present - Widowhood

I've been trying to come up with a way to define the experience, to understand my past and be ready for the future.

The world seems to have a negative view of widowhood, and being a widow.  It's a secret society or guild of sorts.  You have to give up the love of your life to join.  The recommendation process can involve being a witness to sickness, pain, and/or suffering, having to make really hard choices to end a life, or being ambushed by doctors or police or military officers with fatal news.  Your initiation ceremony is a funeral, and nobody congratulates you when it's over.  (But on the plus side there is usually lots good food at the after party.)   Instead of cryptic passwords and secret handshakes, there are the awkward "I'm SO sorry"s, hugs and that damned 'sympathy look' (you know the one).   Yeah... welcome to the club, here's your black rose.  

When I titled this “The Present – Widowhood”  I wondered if people would get confused for a second thinking I meant present as ‘gift’. 

Nope -  not what I meant, I was actually thinking 'present' as in the here and now.

BUT…. WHAT IF??????

*you gotta read this slowly for maximum effect*

W h a t   i f,   i t  a c t u a l l y   I S  a  g i f t ?

Huh?

Could widowhood actually be a gift to my life?  The kind of gift you never asked for, didn’t want, wished you could take back, then slowly realized the Giver had put some thought into it and had a plan in mind when He had it dropped on your front porch with a heavy THUD.  In my case, the “gift” was delivered by three uniformed police officers and an asshole coroner.  (Crossed it out, I’m sure he’s a nice guy… I just don’t like him much.)

Geez, what kind of gift is THAT, God????  I mean, we suffered through a marriage marked with drug and alcohol addiction, mental and emotional abuse, and scarcity then You redeemed ALL of that in marvelous beautiful ways.  We were learning how to love each other the way we thought you wanted us to…. we were so hopeful and thankful for the ways you changed us.  Looking forward to happy future, and a new baby!  I couldn’t have been happier.  And then it all came crashing down on the morning of April 26, 2008 and then a almost a month later on May 23 when I had to have a D&C to remove the baby girl who's heartbeat had stopped.

I was sad.  Surprised. Confused.  I missed him. I missed her. I missed the future I thought we had.  I wondered why did God have to take all this away, just when things were getting good?   Maybe God wasn’t the one who took my husband and baby away, but he did allow it to happen.  Maybe he didn’t intend to send this gift my way.

But what if He decided to intercept the punch in the face that was heading my way and wrapped it up as an unexpected, unwanted gift that will turn out to be the gateway to His plans for me.

 Maybe I’ll get an explanation someday, but guess what?

It doesn’t matter WHY.  I know that through it all God still has something beautiful for me and my girls.  He has promised me that, and I’m going to hold him to it.

So instead of looking at widowhood at a tragedy, so sad, poor me, I’m looking at it as a door that has opened.  Kind of like a graduation.  It’s kind of like I have my Undergraduate Degree with a double major in Wife and Mother.    I made it! I didn’t drop out (even though I wanted to at times.)   I’m thinking about pursuing a graduate degree too…   I’m not sure how that fits into God’s plan for me… so I’m taking it easy right now.

What do you think about that?

Examination

The gears are turning and I'm considering both my past and the future.

Yesterday my friend Morgan launched a new blog and business as a life coach.

This is the perfect thing for her, because I know I'm not the only one who wants to be just like Morgan when I grow up :)

But anyway...

For months I’ve been thinking,

and considering

and wondering

and praying

about new beginnings.

I commented on Morgan’s blog something to the effect that I feel like I've been living in LimboLand, a proud resident of the City of I-Dunno for 2 years now. I need to move on.

Before I do that happens though, I want to take a look at my life and explore a bit the places I’ve been, figure out where I am and brainstorm a bit about the future.

Will you join me as I toss together some experiences and ideas and throw them out into public view on this blog?